First of all in the introduction, do you think I take too much time getting to my point? I think I might, but I also think that it is important to give a little background knowledge before I just dive in. Throughout the paper I tried in several places to make sure I was addressing my audience directly. But I'm not positive how effective I was in doing this. If you have advice on if I need to do that more or less or better, please let me know.
Also I'm not sure if the 3rd body paragraph stating the analytical claim was effective or just redundant. Or if you have any ideas for what any additional paragraphs could be able that would be great, because I feel like it could use a few more. And by the way, I promise I will make the title more interesting.
Here is my draft, let me know what you think and thank you in advance!
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| Jaybird "Thank you everyone!" 03/03/07 via flickr. Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic |
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